The Open Relationship Rules I Use

Updated: 03/08/2018

If you read my blog regularly or even if this is your first visit (Hi!) it’s no secret and easy to find that my boyfriend and I enjoy threesomes, threesome simulation, kinky fantasies and just about anything else a bit ‘out there’.

You can read all about what happened my boyfriend shared me with another man.

However, being so open and inviting other people into our love life can be tricky and it wasn’t always as plain sailing as it is now.

Luckily, my boyfriend is extremely open to new things and we both understand the need to talk about what we want to get out of a sexual experience. This isn’t always the case, I once had a boyfriend who couldn’t grasp the idea and in the end, was just cheating on me.

It’s very important to have rules in a relationship, most importantly this is so that you both get the most out of your relationship and are both happy. You need to create rules, do’s and don’ts and stick to them.

Disclosure: I am NOT in a completely open relationship, myself and my boyfriend don’t date or have relationships outside of our own. We have done this and we have been open but right now and for a while now we have not slept with other people without the other being present.

We do have sex with other people, have had threesomes with both MFM and FMF, have partaken in group sex and enjoy all kinds of sex with other people.

These experiences have been built over the last few years and are still new to me.

I made this rule list for people in long-term relationships who want to experience the thrill, excitement and desire for a new sexual encounter without destroying the love they have.

The Legendary Semi-Open-Relationship Rule List

As I mentioned before, I am not in an open-relationship all of the time but we are open to all sorts of sexual experiences. I am not sure of the official name for what we do but it makes us happy and it works for us.

This is for people with one main relationship who aren’t Polyamorous but enjoy threesomes, sharing their partner, discovering new sexual experiences and at times their relationship could be classed as an open relationship.

The rules below are my rules but take what resonates with you and your relationship and tweak it so that it works perfectly for you. These rules can be applied to relationships like mine, open-relationships, polyamorous relationships and any kind of sexual experience you experience with your partner. It’s always a good idea to always have rules with your partner so that you both can enjoy every aspect of your relationship.

Rule #1 – Get on the same page as your partner

page of open relationship rules

It is so important to always talk to your partner and both get on the same page about what you both want from your experience. Make sure you are both looking for the same things, make sure you both know what you don’t want to do and what you want to gain from doing new sexual things.

You may find you are both 100% on the same page or you may find that you both have completely different opinions and need to work on making sure you are both satisfied and happy. Never ever do something that you or your partner is not happy with, it will only end badly. I am talking from experience, my ex-boyfriend would sleep with other women without even asking me and in the end he was cheating on me, it was an awful feeling and it all happened because I didn’t lay down my rules and he didn’t take my thoughts into consideration.

Rule #2 – Always Wear Protection

cartoon of a condom

This should not even have to be discussed, make sure to always wear protection. An unwanted pregnancy or STD can end a relationship, always use protection if you are sharing partners, engaging in an open relationship or anything else where other people come into your relationship.

Grab a 100 pack of condoms and no matter what use them! It won’t kill the mood, it doesn’t feel any different, just use them.

Rule #3 – Don’t Have Open Communication 

text convosation

My boyfriend and I arrange threesomes on apps like Tinder, but we do it together and are completely open to the people we talk too about it.

Each message we send to the person we make sure we are both present and we both never contact the person again after the sex unless we both want to meet them again but all of this is done together.

We don’t give the other person private emails or share anything without both being present, this stops a lot of jealousy, even though we are both not overly jealous people it does give you both peace of mind, especially for me who has been cheated on in this way.

Rule #4 – The Trust Test

cartoon of an open book

You need full trust, but you also need to be able to ask complete openness.

Are you texting “hookups” without me knowing?

is a question you should be able to ask your partner and have them answer honestly.

If there’s any hesitation about these kinds of questions before you open your relationship up, it’ll be nothing but heartache and jealousy.

Because most jealousy can be stopped with reassurance, trust and openness. Make sure you can both trust each other 100% and only until you have that 100% trust should you think about opening up your relationship.

Rule #5 – Avoid emotional connection seeking at all costs 

stick man looking for validation

If you’re looking for someone to fulfil you emotionally, this will cause friction.

You want to have chemistry to the person you’re having sex with, but don’t try to build a relationship with them unless you are polyamorous and you and your partner have both agreed on this.

If it’s about sex, thrill and excitement for both of you and one of you starts developing feelings towards another person you have had sex with without prior consent and acknowledgement, issues will arise. It’s best to always avoid emotional connections if you’re like me and my boyfriend as this can cause jealousy issues and we prefer just having sex with a third person and moving on.

Rule #6 – Do It Once Per Month (Max)

over sharing

Opening up your relationship is far less complex when it’s a once per month deal.

You can get excited, enjoy it and make a big deal out of it, you have time to fix the issues that come up and you can find the right people to share your relationship with.

We have found from friends that if they start doing it every single day, it consumes their own relationship and they lose what they started it all for. Nine times out of ten they have ended up splitting up as the other person just can’t take the jealousy and communication all but stopped.

Rule #7 – Friends, Don’t F**k Friends

friends with benefits

Trust me, your only option to open up your relationship might be by fu**ing a friend but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

Friends hold too much power.

Instead, build relationships with people in different cities, different friend groups and keep your personal details out of it.

That way you can have sex, use them up, be naughty, and then wake up the next day and not have them burn down your life and relationship or make it awkward.

There’s also a chance with friends that they will develop feelings for you or your partner so we always make sure to keep the two completely separate.

Rule #8 – Don’t f**k people more than once

cartoons having foreplay

You don’t have to follow this, we’ve had sex with people more than once, but these people are couples who are like us.

We don’t have sex with people more than once because it stops the chance of a relationship building or having an emotional connection with this person.

Even though we both love each other you just never know when feelings will start.

Rule #9 – Don’t Rush Into It (Take it slow)

timer

You will most likely be super horny the first time you do it and you may go a little crazy and do things you wouldn’t normally do, just make sure you are both aware this may happen.

Try to tone it down, don’t rush into things and really enjoy the experience.

Rule #10 – Keep it equal

equal relationship

If you like men and he likes women then you need to meet halfway and compromise. Start with a woman, see how you both like it and then move on to a man and see how you both like it.

If your partner wants to do anal for example, make sure you do just as much too as it stops jealousy and allows you to both get the maximum out of your situation.

Opening up your relationship should be just as exciting for the both of you so make sure you make the right choices and understand what the other person does and doesn’t want.

Rule #11 – Be careful what you put online

laptop with fake personal details

You don’t know whether you’re going to meet weirdos, so keep yourself safe online. We only use reputable sites to meet our hookups but even then you can find one bad egg. Often we will meet in the bar for drinks so that we can get acquainted beforehand and if either of us is not happy then the deal is off and we make sure the person is aware of this prior to the meeting.

I also never let anyone film or take pictures of our encounters but this is all arranged beforehand via text message, email or phone calls.

Rule #12 – Have Sex Rules!

list of sex rules

This rule is so important to my boyfriend and I. We like to have ‘sex rules’ that we have to follow and we both always do.

Neither of us like being left out, unless it’s a ‘cuckold’ fantasy so we always make sure to include the other person.

Anal is ok but we must ask first. Moaning is OK but not blurting out the person’s name, enjoy yourself but don’t go over the top is our general rule.

Showering with the other person afterwards is a 50/50, sometimes we like for the person to leave and then hop in the shower together and sometimes all three of us make our way into the shower and usually f**k again but we make sure to always ask the other person before jumping in the shower.

On a whole, everything is OK for us but there are a few exceptions and we really respect them and make sure to stick to them.

Rule #13 – Don’t Have Sex Alone

man sad after cheating on partner

As much as I’d love to meet a stud at the bar and take him to my hotel room and ride him like a whore, it’s just always going to leave my boyfriend jealous. This is why it’s important to have rules because if I just did that it would upset my boyfriend and that’s when cracks start to appear.

This works for us and we are happiest doing everything with one another but doing it alone might be for you and your partner, so make sure to talk about it.

Me and my boyfriend partner share, have threesomes, go to sex parties/clubs, but we try to do everything together and get their consent before doing anything.

Rule #14 – Don’t Let It Become Your Relationship/Part of Your Personality

sexual identity

It’s an amazing thing, but it’s a small part of your relationship and shouldn’t define you or your partner.

Did Opening Up My Relationship Have Any Weird Effects?

girls doing foreplay on a bed

I wanted to answer some of the questions that I had before I opened up my relationship, things that I had always wondered about. It’s always good to get someone else’s perspective so take my thoughts and advice and keep doing your research if you are still unsure and undecided.

  • It strengthened our relationship

I’ve never had a more fulfilling relationship, I’m satisfied in every way and so is he.

I can grow old and live an amazing life without silly rules holding us both back. However, I have been on the other side of this coin where it ended with us splitting up because the rules just weren’t properly in place and he took advantage of that.

Talking about it is key and although you may feel exhausted from discussing it, again and again, talk about it some more.

  • Made the sex we have alone much hotter

We still have a lot of sex together, most days we use sex toys and get intimate and this has been so important to us because we still both turn each other on and get off with one another.

  • Decreased our stress

This sounds so dumb, but once a month, we go to a hotel (usually) and have a night filled with deep, dark fantasies and fetishes, we’re like animals and it completely resets our relationship and life. It has really allowed us to open up with one another and explore our deepest fantasies.

  • I feel less trapped

I did not ever really feel trapped in my relationship ever but by opening up my relationship it has allowed me and him to explore new things that I would never have before.

  • We’ve Evolved As A Couple

We’re both in amazing shape, want to look good for each other and the people we share with and it’s amazing.

Questions About Open Relationships

questions about open relationships

  • Should I open my relationship up?

Honestly, you need to sit with your partner and discuss it until you have run through every possibility and scenario. Don’t just act on impulse when you’re horny, make sure it’s something you both want and double check again.

  • Do you get jealous even after these rules?

I wouldn’t say I get jealous but I definitely have low days and body issues from time to time. It really helps me doing it just once a month. Neither of us ever break our rules and we always pick a person we are both happy with so there is no reason for me to get jealous.

  • What if I want to sleep with someone else privately?

Currently, it isn’t something me and my boyfriend want to do, but you might be. The only thing you can do is discuss it with your partner and respect their rules and decisions.

  • Would you ever go polyamorous?

One full-time relationship is enough for me, between work, health, relaxation and loving my boyfriend, there’s no time in-between to juggle someone else.

Plus I like sex, I’m not the loving kind of girl, so sex is great but having to do all the love stuff with multiple people… YUK. However, I can understand people that do it and really respect them for it.

Update:

Everything here will change over time as I change and my relationship grows.

I’ll keep it up-to-date with what I think is the best rule list to have while opening up your relationship.

If you have any ideas be sure to leave them in the comments.

open relationship rule book

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