The Full Chastity Keyholder Guide

Being the keyholder for someone locked inside of a chastity cage is a real honor and I must emphasize that it must be treated as such. Sure you can fool around that you have forgotten they are locked up or that you have ‘lost the key but in reality, you must be fully aware at all times of your locked up cock and what it means to have so much power.

I’m currently holding my boyfriend’s key, but in the past, I’ve held over 10 different keys for exes and strangers. It’s a real rush of excitement and I just love to dominate their cocks and be the source of their only pleasure.

In this guide, I am going to show you what it means to be a keyholder, how to do it effectively, and how your partner can make a perfect keyholder if you both have no idea where to start so let’s get straight into it!

What Is A Keyholder

cock cages, locks and keys

First of all, what is a keyholder?

A keyholder or (KH) is someone who holds the keys to your cock cage or chastity device. These keys open up the padlock or locking mechanism to the device. The person inside the cock cage will submit to the keyholder and understand that all pleasure whilst they are under lock and key is at the keyholder’s discretion.

It isn’t an easy task to have so much power but it is so rewarding and depending on the length of time you decide on having the cock caged up it can become almost a part of your daily life too. However, some people just wear the cage at the weekend for a few hours, some like to wear it for weeks at a time, that’s all down to personal preference and what the wearer wants to gain from wearing a cock cage.

For the wearer not having access to their most intimate part, a part with which they have the closest relationship is mind-blowing. You have the key to release them but will you?

Finding A Chastity Keyholder

different ways to find a chastity keyholder

Finding a keyholder can be a hard task, not everyone understands this kink and many people look at cock cages as extreme torture devices. The best thing to do is find someone you trust who understands or is willing to learn about chastity. Make sure you know exactly what it is you want from your lock-up (length caged, power dynamic, sexual satisfaction, etc), and once you know exactly what you want, it’s time to find your keyholder.

Girlfriend/Wife: If you’re in a relationship, this is the most common and easiest option. Approach your partner and lay it all out, explain your kink to them, introduce them to how it makes you feel and what you want from it, and hopefully, they will try it out. Remember to go slow, explain everything you want and need, and know exactly what you want from chastity.

Ex: If you have a trusted ex who perhaps was extra kinky or someone you are still close with, ask them to be your keyholder. They don’t necessarily have to do anything sexual with you but just hold onto your key and check-in with you to make sure you’re still caged and obeying the rules.

Friend: Make sure they are someone you trust and completely understand the whole keyholding and chastity thing. Once you are sure, hand over the key and have them be the master of your padlock.

Lifestyler: Find someone who is in the lifestyle who has this kink and key holds for fun. There are plenty of forums and websites where you can find trusted and vetted people who know exactly what they are doing and can keep your key nice and safe for you.

Dominatrix: Usually very expensive, but they do know exactly how to please and give you what you want. Just make sure you get one that offers the service already as they will know exactly what you want and know how to tailor your experience.

Online Chastity Service: There are websites out there that offer an online chastity service, often they will have an ‘imaginary’ key or they will send you a padlock to use on your cage.

Self Chastity: If you don’t want to involve anyone you can be your own keyholder, it requires a lot of willpower but it is totally plausible and you can have just as much fun by yourself and testing your own limits.

Cost of Professional keyholding:

If you go online you might be able to find an amateur willing to hold your key for you. This could be someone on Reddit, FetLife, personals, or my favorite Adultfriendfinder who will hold your key for free, just because they are into the kink. However, remember the person can always get bored and leave you caged up and waiting for their messages.

If you don’t want to wait to find someone online and you don’t want to build a relationship and want something quick and simple there are a few people on onlyfans, Twitter, and various other websites that offer a pro service.

Usually, it’s a monthly subscription that starts low and then gets higher depending on how much attention you want.

I have a few friends who pay $100 per month for keyholding and they have to fit the bill for all the keys, cage, and accessories I know friends who pay $1000 per month and get a new cage every month, daily texts, weekly calls, and key checkups.

There’s something for most budgets, but I always think it’s better to use someone who does it for fun. Try and find another kink who enjoys it (it won’t be too hard) and then you don’t have to pay a cent and you will have a much better time.

How To Get Your Wife To Keyhold

speach bubbles with a wife and husband talking about trying chastity

Getting your wife or partner to keyhold when you have never approached the subject before and are both new to it can be a hard task. The best way to do this is by just explaining your kink, showing her how it works and what you want from it, and letting her have some time to think and understand it. Letting her try it out and show her videos and pictures of what you enjoy. You may be faced with a big fat NO but you may also get a trial or someone who is willing to learn.

Remember to know exactly what it is that you want from chastity, are you someone that wants it 24/7? weekends only? pre-sex only? Do you want to be dominated? Humiliated? Denied orgasms? indulge in orgasm control and edging? Know exactly what it is that you need from being caged before you approach your partner with a wild idea and no idea what you actually want.

There are some extra ways you can introduce chastity to your partner…

BDSM test:

The first thing to do is to try a sex/BDSM test, these are pretty simple and usually free.

You both take the test privately, you can even do it long-distance, and then it only shares the kinks/fetishes you both agreed you like. This helps you see if it’s something that’s even on your partner’s radar.

I created a list of BDSM tests, but for this, I’d recommend using

If your partner doesn’t pick anything to do with chastity as one of their choices or fantasies then it’s time to move on to the next step below.


This is a perfect time to start talking about your needs and wants in the bedroom.

It can be really hard to explain your kink, but take a second now, ask yourself what you like about chastity, and think of a way to explain it.

Like a lot of kinks, it’s much more about slow steps and trying things constantly, than it is about jumping in at the deep end. Explain the fantasy well and as I mentioned before, know exactly what it is that you want.

Introducing your kink:

It’s a good idea to find the right way to introduce your kink. You know your partner best so if you think that outright asking isn’t the best way, try some of these ideas:

  • Maybe, your partner wears a remote control sex toy and you a cock cage.
  • Maybe it starts as a thing you wear when you’re both horny and ready for sex, then slowly you start upping the time that you are in the cage.
  • Wear a cage during roleplay and show her how turned on you are not being allowed out.
  • Maybe you start with another type of domination like denial, have sex and tell her to not let you cum so it builds your orgasm for next time, one day can easily turn into a few weeks of denial, or have sex and ask her to ruin your orgasm by stopping right as you cum.
  • Say you’re going on an orgasm break. This could be for a certain time like an hour while having sex or it could be for a few weeks. Tell her that she can’t let you orgasm before the break ends, even when you’re having sex, if you cum she has to ruin it.
  • Ask her if she gets off on the idea of her owning your cock, she gets the key to use it when she wants and only when she wants, then show her the cock cage.
  • You could start by only wearing the cage when you’re not with her.
  • Try using dildos, maybe a penis sleeve instead of your cock and maybe at the end you just watch your wife masturbate without any pleasure for yourself.
  • Say you’ll do anything while you’re caged, all them jobs she’s been nagging you to do will be done, it creates a good reason for you to be locked up.
  • Show her why you like this kink, show her some erotic stories, maybe a few pictures from a chastity reddit, and see if she gets the idea, it comes pretty naturally to some people.

These are just some small ways to introduce chastity into your relationship without scaring your partner. Slowly move on to the deeper parts of this fantasy as you become more comfortable with one another and the fetish.

Finding Their Kink Inside Of Your Kink

If they don’t share your kink, maybe there’s a part of it that they share.

Maybe, they like the domination part, maybe the chores part, maybe the being shared with another person, maybe the trust part, maybe it’s the show of your appreciation and love while you’re locked up. Being a keyholder is a pretty big power trip, to have someone let you control their cock and where it goes, some people love this type of dominance without even realizing that they do.

Maybe they are a sub too and you can both lock yourself up and try some self chastity together? Find what it is that makes them tick, even if it’s a small thing, it’s still a start and will certainly spice things up in the bedroom.

The Right Chastity Key & Padlock

different types of keys and locks that are used for chastity

Our and a lot of chastity lovers’ favorite cock cage is a CB 6000 cage and they come with little, lightweight metal padlocks, these are my favorites.

However, there are lots of different keys and padlocks to choose from if you don’t like the one that comes with your cock cage and I wanted to explain to you a little bit about each of them so that you can make the right choice for your sex toy.

Using Metal Keys: Some keyholders wear the exact key that locks them up around their necks or wrists, others like to get a key that represents their man when he is locked up whilst keeping the actual key safe somewhere. I do both of these things and it depends on my outfit and what I am feeling that day but I usually wear the key that locks him up. You can get your keys from your favorite locks, these are mine:

Cute Lock: This lock and key is super cute, it’s pink, heart-shaped, lightweight, and looks divine as it hangs around your neck and the pink padlock dangles from his cage.

Pinlock: Using a pinlock gives you an eye-catching necklace addition with this metal key and the pin lock itself is lightweight and discreet to wear with pants.

Other Lock: Some more experienced cage wearers love metal locks like these. They are heavy-duty, look incredible but they can be heavy which can be uncomfortable for the cock.

Using Tags (good for beginners and Distant keyholders): These tags secure in place and you can see if they are taken off because they are a one time use. They are great for people who like to wear their cages out and about too however they aren’t as heavy-duty as the metal locks.

Cheap Locking Tags: A one-time use each, these locking tags also come in various colors which add a nice little twist to the visuals of the cage. They won’t beep when you go through metal detectors and they are great to practice with.

Use Remote Cages: A modern twist on the age-old lock and key chastity devices. This remote cage won’t allow you to wear your key but it is so exciting to use from the comfort of your phone.

Cutting The Key: If you have a current lock that you like, you can always get another key cut for it, it’s really easy then you can give it to your keyholder for safekeeping.

Timer Locks: A timer lock is a great way to build anticipation, excitement and a longing to cum. Although they can be a little heavy for long-time wear, they are a fantastic addition to your toy box.

Emergency Key safe: You can put the emergency key in something like this, so you know when it’s been used. It’s alway sgood to have emergency keys, the more the better. Some even put the key in a time lock safe.

How To Be a Keyholder

illustration of how to become a keyholder using cartoons for each step

Now we have covered the what’s, how’s, and but’s, it’s time to talk about how to be a great keyholder because with great power comes great responsibility.

Make sure you have discussed the rules, limits, and a safe word before engaging in any kind of chastity [play and I also recommend having a spare key somewhere safe for any emergencies. It’s also important to stay in character and know what your wearer wants from you. Below are some ways you can be the best key holder:

Where Does The Key Go?

I like to wear it around my neck at all times. Some KH’s like to put it on a keychain or on an anklet, but I keep it close to my heart.

Some people also lock it away as I mentioned earlier in this article and some will keep it in plain sight for ultimate teasing and denial.

Lock Up Timer:

At the start, you need to have set lock-up times.

You need to know how long the lock-up will last, a set time for when lock-up rolls over and you need to add or detract days, and you of course need the rules of lock-up set in stone and discussed between you both.

Once decided you can use your timer on your phone for short lock-up times, your phone calendar for longer times, and you can print off a reward calendar and add dates and times along with a day of rewards for good behavior and days on for bad.

Another thing I like to do is the hour before release I’ll add another day, two or three, if they get mad, I’ll add longer. This is the ultimate show of power.


Every keyholder has different rules and chores, this is a must when being a keyholder. These are the things you can and can’t do.

You need to make a list of things that get rewards and things that get punished, for example, if they cum without permission, they will have to be punished using one of your punishments, maybe it’s adding another week onto lock up or making him do the dishes, it can be as easy or harsh as you like (use this list of chastity punishments for some more ideas).

It’s up to you to create your own rules to suit your relationship and needs, but you can use this massive list of chastity rules for some help.

Femdom, Humiliation, Cheating, Feminization, and Rejection:

There are lots of aspects to chastity and it’s a good idea to find out which one he/she likes. Some just enjoy being a sub, some only like the denial of the orgasm, whilst others love the female domination, humiliation, cuckolding, forced feminization, or even rejection and sometimes it’s all of the above, but once you know what they like the most you can lean into it and make it perfect.

A lot of people who enjoy chastity enjoy the female domination aspect of it (femdom based), in fact, it’s one of the most popular male fantasies, so I recommend reading some of these femdom ideas by clicking here and scrolling down below to give you some ways to play with him and see what you both enjoy:

Tease, Denial, and Release:

A great way to really get his heart racing is the tease, denial, and release method, except go easy on the release. You’re going to take his caged cock, tease him into another dimension using your tongue and your body and deny him his orgasm over and over again.


If you do wish to give him a release don’t feel as if you have to make it conformative, feel free to do this:

  • Pegging – Give him his release through some anal pegging.
  • Vibrator on cage – Hold a vibrator against his cage and watch his cock squirm and pulsate.
  • Short Windows of Time– Give him a set amount of time to cum in (10 seconds should be adequate)
  • Ruin it– Give him his release but don’t forget to ruin his orgasm!

Be Selfish

Once he is locked up, take some time for yourself.

Put him to work, don’t feel bad for using him, that’s what he deserves. Have him clean the place, tidy up after you, or just simply watch you getting yourself off, it’s what you deserve.

Daily Challenge:

a break down of different chastity challenges and the number of the challenge

I like to draw a random challenge every day to keep things interesting. I just write a load of things on a bunch of posties and I pick one a day.

He has to do what it says no matter what, there are also a few good challenges too which really test him and push his boundaries.

I might create a list of them if I have time, but this is the idea:

  • Ask what someone’s favorite number is, add that to his lock-up time.
  • Cum in 10 seconds or add the amount of time it takes to your lock-up time.
  • Add a day
  • Measure your cock, add a day for every inch you are under 8 inches.
  • Clean the house or add 3 days
  • Foot massage for me
  • Foot rest for 30 minutes whever I want
  • Be full naked just in your cage whenever you’re at home.
  • Wear a cute pink thong all day long

The great thing about this is that you can do this from anywhere and you just need to ask for proof (via a photo is the best way).

Cheating and Being Shared

Whether you are keyholding for a partner, an ex, or a random person, it’s good to not let them slow down your sex drive, once they are locked up you’re allowed to do what you please, it’s one of the perks.

So, don’t look at it as cheating, if they’ve told you that you can be with anyone you please, don’t feel shame, enjoy the freedom that comes from chastity.

Just make sure you take some pictures of the fun and tell them about all your experiences.

Plus being shared can lead to some fun key pictures, maybe it’s the key around the person you are with or his cock, maybe he came on your chest and a little got on the key. Have fun with it!

Lock Up Proof:

I ask for 3 random photo checks throughout the day if I am not with him when he is in lock-up. This is really important to do if you are trusting your caged cock alone.

I send a text randomly with words and he has 10 minutes to send back a caged dick pick with the words written on a piece of paper. This is really great fun if I am away from home when I do this, it’s a real rush of adrenaline for him.


Caged cocks must be punished from time to time, if the wearer disobeys the rules you have set or you just want to dominate him and show him a good time. Punishments can be hard to think of, especially once you get past the classic spanks, orgasm denials, and teasing. I made a BDSM punishment list that will give you lots of inspo on the next punishment you should dish out. Release that inner vixen!

Don’t Try To Please

It’s good to do the opposite of what they want from you.

Do they want to be let out? Don’t

They don’t want to be let out? do!

Make sure you set the limits and rules and line out what you are going to do before playing but spicing things up by throwing in a curveball and doing things differently is really great fun.

Don’t Forget and make sure you enjoy

A lot of the time it’s not always about being mean, in denial, and in humiliation, that’s just part of it.

Most days we’re just normal with a few extra rules, the only thing I make sure of is not to forget he is locked up, let him know that he is locked up, and that I haven’t forgotten. The only time I do forget is if it’s for a kinky reason and to tease him with, I never actually forget he is locked inside of a cock cage.

I also take it very seriously, it’s a great honor being someone’s key holder and I really enjoy it. Chastity is similar to normal sex, it’s way better if you both enjoy the thing you’re doing.

If you enjoy being a keyholder, it will complete the fantasy, this isn’t a lock-up, and forget, this is a lock-up, and enjoy the ride.

Safe Shaming and Humilation:

A big part of chastity is humiliation and it’s something that can be quite hard to replicate in real life.

So, your partner might want you to mock his caged cock with his friends or your friends, but most people won’t get it and this isn’t something most of us can do.

What I like to do is go to lifestyle events and lifestyle hotels, these places are filled with like-minded couples and so you could take him down to the pool in just his cage, you can meet people and couples who have the same type of relationship and open up some of the harder to achieve kinks.

If you don’t have the budget or live in a country that isn’t lifestyle friendly, you can also use adult cam sites or try adult dating to find people you can cam with so you can show off his caged cock. You can also do this to replicate the sharing process, so you can have cam sex with another guy while your man is caged up, it’s a way to test it out without the serious feelings.

You can also ask him to go on a cam site with proof, just showing his locked-up cock. Just make sure to not show your face and use an adult-only site.

Chastity Contract With Your Dom:

Some keyholders like to have a contract before they play with one another. This outlines their rules, obedience, punishment, and just about everything else they want one another to know when engaging in such an intimate and powerful act.

Obviously, this is a novelty contract, but it just lets you both lay down the rules of what you want. We’ve created our own template for these contracts which you can print off and customize to your own needs and desires.

Will I Be Your Keyholder?

cartoon of chastity lock, key, cock cage and love heart with question mark

I emotionally invest in anyone’s key that I hold. I’m not a professional, so I think I would find it hard to take on more than a few people.

I also think that chastity is 100x more impactful when the person who holds the key is someone you love or you have a deep relationship with and that’s something I think I’d find hard to replicate.

So, I wouldn’t say no to it just yet, but it’s not something I’d do until I have more experience and maybe I’ll try it with just one of you first and we could see how it goes.

Let me know.

Safety And Happiness

As with everything always practice safe and healthy chastity methods, make sure you take time for hygiene, and always have a safe word and a spare key.

Jess ❤

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